AUs

do you believe in alternate universes?
because I do.
i’d like to think that all my lost hopes,
wishes, and dreams come true there.
in another earth, i’m an astronaut.
i get to wish upon stars a
wee bit closer than before.
in some other dimension, i’m a superhero.
i get to fight crime and maybe even
be a member of the Justice League.
in a different world, i’m an author.
i actually finished writing
a novel length story and  got it published.
in an alternate universe, i’m an animator.
i get to work at disney or dreamworks
or wherever because either way, i’ll
still be living the dream.

do you believe in alternate universes?
because I do.
i’d like to think that all my lost hopes,
wishes, and dreams come true there.
in another earth,
i could’ve had made a stand.
in some other dimension,
i might’ve had taken the risk.
in a different world,
i would’ve had the courage.
then, maybe then, only then…
in that one particular alternate universe,
i, at least, get to have you.
but not in this universe,
not anymore.

-Y

i don’t want to like you anymore

because i know you’ve moved on and
i am clearly still stuck here. i want to ask
you how you did it, but i also know that
i am at fault since i was the one
who gave you the reason to leave. i want to tell
you that i’m sorry for being so selfish,
i didn’t know at the time, but now i do.
i don’t want to like you anymore
because it hurts and i hate staying up late
at night thinking of how things would/could/should
have been so much different be if… if we…
if you and i happened. and that is one giant ass IF.
i’d like to say that i don’t want to love you anymore
but i never really had the chance to love you
in the first place… or should i say… i never really
gave myself the chance to love you in the first place.

-Y

A love poem with a lot of ifs

If you were to fall in love me and
if I were to fall in love with you,
then this, this is what you’re getting yourself into…

A LOT of movie marathons,
Or watching the stars and questioning our existence,
Or attending band concerts,
Or arguing about how unfair life is,
Or  you know… just getting to spend time together.

If you were to fall in love with me
then I will ask why you fell in love with me
because I can be sooo insecure
and I don’t like it, but I’m working on it.
If you were to fall in love with me then you
will see every single side of me. Including the weird ones.
I will fangirl. That is certain.
So I’m letting you know right now that Draco Malfoy,
Percy Jackson, Mr. Darcy, and so many more have
had my heart even before I met you.
If I’m reading, let me read.
If you know I have an exam coming up then LET. ME. STUDY.
If my writing of fanfiction freaks you out, then go leave the room, buddy.
If you see me getting excited over the latest issue of Batman,
Gotham Academy, Batgirl, Ms. Marvel, or Spider-Gwen,
let the geek in me be. If you want me to talk about my love for the
Bat Family, prepare yourself about the fact that I’m planning
to name my four future sons Dick, Jason, Tim, and Damian
because Robin is that fuckin’ awesome. And if you tell me
that I look pretty without make-up, then I will say thank you
but that will not stop me from wearing make-up
because I’m not doing it for you. I’m doing it for me.
If you pay for my order, don’t. (exception: only if I’m totally broke,
but I will pay you back) If you still insist, then we can split the bill.
If you tell me that because you’re ‘the guy’ and you have to pay,
you need to stop because you are not obligated to do that.
And- AH! If we love each other we shouldn’t even let this be an issue!
It’s just money!
Heck, I don’t even like fancy dates.
Let’s just stay in and order pizza.
So much better.
But we’ll still split the bill.

If I were to fall in love with you and you want
to hang out with your friends, then go.
Don’t ask permission from me, I’m not your mom.
You’ve had a life of your own before we met, I don’t want
to stop you from living that life. If you want to play Dota 2
or League of Legends or Pokemon then do it. If I ask if I could play,
I’m probably just joking because I’ve tried before
and I sucked. If you don’t text or call,
I will try my best not to be clingy because trust me,
that is the last thing I want to be.
If I notice you holding back your tears when we’re watching
Toy Story 3, or Up, or Grave of the Fireflies then… odds are…
I’m already crying so you let those man tears fall and I will
not judge you. I will never judge you, you know that.
If you’d rather watch NBA or FIFA with the guys,
then go right ahead because I’ll be honest,
I have no idea how those games work.
If I wrote little snippets about you or us,
then give yourself a pat on the back because
you have inspired me to let that little moment
be immortalized in the form of poems or stories.
I can also be a major bitch sometimes so… just saying.

We’ll respect each other.
We’ll accept each other.
We’ll make fun of each other.
We won’t see eye to eye… but we’ll compromise.
We won’t spend too much time together,
But we will make memories together.

But if, if, IF there will come a time when you no longer love me,
if you find love in somebody else who makes you happy
like I used to or maybe even more,
just tell me right away. Don’t pretend that you still
have feelings for me. Because I’d rather
you break my heart right away than having you lie to me and
cheat on me for a long period of time. If you’re scared that you’ll break my heart
then that’s a given. Of course my heart will break, it’ll shatter
like a broken glass, but you know that
I am stronger than that. And I know you are too,
so just tell me right away. Please.
If it were the other way around, I’ll find the courage and
will do the same. But if we can make us work,
let’s try to make us work. If it doesn’t and
it’s time to let go and say good bye,
then I suppose it’s time.

If you were to fall out of love with me and
if I were to fall out of love with you,
then I hope, I truly hope you won’t regret what you’ve gotten yourself into.

I know I won’t.

-Y

To you, Anon

Words can hurt.

Words can hurt as hell.

It can break you, crush you, destroy you if you let it. I don’t know why I’m writing this. I have no idea where this is going. All I know is that I need to get this, whatever this is, out of my system. I can feel it consuming me and I do not like a single bit of it.

An hour ago I found myself crying on my bathroom floor because of words. Because of your words. Because of how a single person’s opinion affected me and my writing. And holy hell it affected me all right. I know for a fact that I cannot please every single goddamn person out there and I am not planning to, but if you think for one second that trying to bring me down will actually bring me down? Then you do not know me at all. You may have had me there for a minute or two but let me tell you this, you can try as many times as you want but I will always find a way to get back up. Insult me all you want, call me names, ridicule the things I treasure the most and what I am most passionate at. Do whatever you please. I may cry. Scratch that, I will cry because it will hurt; knowing that something I’ve poured my heart into will be trampled upon by the likes of you.

You’ve almost turned me into someone I did not want to be.

Almost.

I’ve met you so many times, in different forms, in different ways, and I do not understand why you do what you do. You have rendered me speechless one too many times. I’ve wasted my tears for you one too many times. I’ve asked myself what was wrong with me, what was wrong with my words that made you hate them as if it was your life’s duty to hate every single thing I write. I honestly thought that you were just a thing of the past, a nightmare forgotten, but I found you, or rather you found me once again and you tell me words that will break me and make you happy. And… I don’t know. I just don’t. Should I understand you? Should I forgive you? Do you want to be forgiven?

I’ve hated myself for a very long time because of you.

Not anymore.

A friend of mine told me I should just ignore you and I’m trying. You’re just ridiculously hard to forget. You’re no good for me, but I can’t seem to get you out of my mind.

You mean, ignorant, hateful you.

I hope you find joy in your life and not in ways that you’ve been doing to me… to people just like me.

Well then… until your words meet mine again.

-Y