the act of falling

Fall in love with someone
not meant for you.
It’ll probably end in heartbreak but
fuck that and fall anyway.
The keyword is ‘probably’.
So darling, either savor the love you’re experiencing
right now while it’s still there or
prove them wrong and make it last this lifetime
and the next.

Don’t fall for someone who’s
willing to catch you.
Fall for someone who will fall with you.
Who will get to experience what you’re experiencing.
Face first, hands touching, with hearts pounding.
Feel the adrenaline building up
as you’re plummeting to the ground.
Embrace the impact and just let it be.

Come to realize later on, that it doesn’t matter
who you fall in love with.
A summer fling.
Your childhood best friend.
Your childhood enemy.
That stranger from Starbucks.
The wrong person.
The right person.
How does one even distinguish one from the other
without actually experiencing the fall?
Meant to be or not, it will still not be easy.
Because nothing. Ever. Is.
It isn’t about trial and error,
It isn’t about falling in and out of love,
It isn’t about the number of times you’ve fallen
no matter how fast or slow.
It’s the fact that you were
brave enough to try that counts.

Falling in love can be a lot of things
but it is most certainly not a waste of time.
It’s like diving into the ocean, into the unknown.
Will there be a sunken ship with hidden treasure?
A bunch of hungry sharks waiting for their next meal?
The lost city of Atlantis maybe?
Who knows.
It’s a complete mystery that even Sherlock can’t solve.
But don’t let that stop you.
Let it excite you.
Let it be the spark that will ignite you.
Knowing that you don’t know what’s going to happen next
is what makes it utterly worth it in the end.

So, fall,
with certainty, with uncertainty.
with eyes wide open or tightly closed.
There are no rules.
Darling, take a deep breath
and just  F
                  A 
                  L
                  L
                   .

-Y

AUs

do you believe in alternate universes?
because I do.
i’d like to think that all my lost hopes,
wishes, and dreams come true there.
in another earth, i’m an astronaut.
i get to wish upon stars a
wee bit closer than before.
in some other dimension, i’m a superhero.
i get to fight crime and maybe even
be a member of the Justice League.
in a different world, i’m an author.
i actually finished writing
a novel length story and  got it published.
in an alternate universe, i’m an animator.
i get to work at disney or dreamworks
or wherever because either way, i’ll
still be living the dream.

do you believe in alternate universes?
because I do.
i’d like to think that all my lost hopes,
wishes, and dreams come true there.
in another earth,
i could’ve had made a stand.
in some other dimension,
i might’ve had taken the risk.
in a different world,
i would’ve had the courage.
then, maybe then, only then…
in that one particular alternate universe,
i, at least, get to have you.
but not in this universe,
not anymore.

-Y

To you, Anon

Words can hurt.

Words can hurt as hell.

It can break you, crush you, destroy you if you let it. I don’t know why I’m writing this. I have no idea where this is going. All I know is that I need to get this, whatever this is, out of my system. I can feel it consuming me and I do not like a single bit of it.

An hour ago I found myself crying on my bathroom floor because of words. Because of your words. Because of how a single person’s opinion affected me and my writing. And holy hell it affected me all right. I know for a fact that I cannot please every single goddamn person out there and I am not planning to, but if you think for one second that trying to bring me down will actually bring me down? Then you do not know me at all. You may have had me there for a minute or two but let me tell you this, you can try as many times as you want but I will always find a way to get back up. Insult me all you want, call me names, ridicule the things I treasure the most and what I am most passionate at. Do whatever you please. I may cry. Scratch that, I will cry because it will hurt; knowing that something I’ve poured my heart into will be trampled upon by the likes of you.

You’ve almost turned me into someone I did not want to be.

Almost.

I’ve met you so many times, in different forms, in different ways, and I do not understand why you do what you do. You have rendered me speechless one too many times. I’ve wasted my tears for you one too many times. I’ve asked myself what was wrong with me, what was wrong with my words that made you hate them as if it was your life’s duty to hate every single thing I write. I honestly thought that you were just a thing of the past, a nightmare forgotten, but I found you, or rather you found me once again and you tell me words that will break me and make you happy. And… I don’t know. I just don’t. Should I understand you? Should I forgive you? Do you want to be forgiven?

I’ve hated myself for a very long time because of you.

Not anymore.

A friend of mine told me I should just ignore you and I’m trying. You’re just ridiculously hard to forget. You’re no good for me, but I can’t seem to get you out of my mind.

You mean, ignorant, hateful you.

I hope you find joy in your life and not in ways that you’ve been doing to me… to people just like me.

Well then… until your words meet mine again.

-Y